I've Been in a Relationship for Over 11 Years—This is How We're Mixing Up At-Home Dates (2024)

My husband and I have been together for 10 years. We started dating when we were teenagers and recently realized our idea of date night hasn’t changed much in the past decade. When we first met, we were in college, living at home with our parents, and didn’t have a lot of cash on hand for fancy dates. While these days we have a lot more options when it comes time to plan a date, we realized we that more often than not, we choose to have dates at home. Maybe it’s because we’re homebodies or maybe it’s a pandemic side effect, but we really do enjoy staying home together. There’s nothing wrong with skipping the pricey restaurants and crowded movie theaters, but even we could tell out at-home dates we’re getting a bit stale (hint: one too many movie nights).

With a little bit of creativity and planning, we were able to makeover our at-home dates. Here are a few fun ways we’ve been mixing things up:

1. Embracing our green thumbs

In 2020, when all those homeowners started posting about their lush gardens, we admittedly felt left out of the fun. Not only do we live in an apartment, but we aren’t allowed to plant in the ground around our patio. My husband was dying to start his own garden so for his birthday, I ordered a really convenient garden growing kit from The Works Seattle. It had everything we needed to start a basic veggie and herb garden. I bought some large planter bags that are easy to move around our patio and we started gardening on the weekends. We really look forward to these day dates where we get a bit of sun and get to watch our efforts pay off.

2. Getting out of our culinary comfort zones

Speaking of ruts, until recently we were in a big culinary rut. Because we mastered quite a few recipes that became go-to meals for us, we gave up on learning how to cook new meals. This may sound weird, but neither of us loves going out to eat, which means if we want to try something new, the odds are we’re going to make it ourselves.

To avoid the Valentine’s Day crowds in the past, we ordered this Truffle Lovers cooking kit that comes with everything we need for a romantic night at home (including wine). It’s a bit of a splurge, but still costs less than it would cost to get a fancy prix fixe meal at a nice restaurant. We’ve always wanted to make risotto at home, but have been too intimidated to try, so this kit has helped us get out of our comfort zones.

3. Tuning in to audiobooks

At the end of a long workday we love to spend time together, but both of us get a bit tired of looking at screens. Is anyone else so over Netflix? In the summer we usually go on walks at night to pass the time and catch up, but in the winter that option is a bit less appealing. Lately, we’ve been listening to audiobooks together at night, and it’s the date that keeps on giving. When we aren’t listening to an audiobook we can discuss the book we just listened to or plan which one we want to download next. Our eyes get a break and we end up with new things to talk about.

4. Pre-planning trips

With so many travel restrictions, flight cancellations, and just general uncertainty around traveling right now, we haven’t been able to travel much these past two years aside from the occasional road trip. To help scratch that travel itch, we’ve been having travel-themed date nights at home. We’ll sit down and pre-plan a whole trip for somewhere we want to go when things go somewhat back to normal—itinerary, hotels, restaurants, activities, the works. We will also pick a movie, documentary, or some travel videos to watch about the location to spread out the fun. When it’s time to travel again, we’ll be ready, and in the meantime, we have a lot more fun pre-planning than just scrolling through social media or rewatching The Office.

5. Trying each other’s hobbies

While I’m all for couples having their own hobbies and being able to spend time apart, it’s nice to share your passions with your partner. Before the pandemic hit, my husband loved to rock climb at indoor rock climbing gyms. It wasn’t my favorite activity from the get-go, but we ended up getting into a habit of going on Friday nights and I really looked forward to that time spent together. It was fun seeing my husband so excited about something.

This compromise was a good lesson in embracing each other’s hobbies from time to time. Because we are spending so much time at home, I’ve been hit by the DIY decor bug and we’ll carve out some time on a Saturday afternoon to work on projects together. When we’re looking for a more low-key, at-home date, I’ll play a game or two of chess with my husband. We still enjoy our hobbies separately, but it’s nice to come together to share what we’ve learned or been working on.

6. Going tech-free

Again—we get really sick of the screens by the end of the day, and even more so by the time Friday night hits. Sometimes we plan tech-free nights where we open a bottle of wine, read books next to each other, or just sit and chat on the couch. We’re lucky that after 11 years, we still really just enjoy being in each other’s company and sometimes you need to get away from all the shiny tech distractions to remember that!

I've Been in a Relationship for Over 11 Years—This is How We're Mixing Up At-Home Dates (2024)

FAQs

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How to Get Back Into Dating After a Long-Term Relationship...
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  3. Start with low-pressure date activities that you'd enjoy doing solo. ...
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I've been helping couples in the context of marriage counseling for about a decade and a half. In that time, I've noticed something: the prime number years of relationships are often the hardest (i.e. 1, 3. 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29…)

How do you end a relationship after 11 years? ›

  1. Prepare Yourself Emotionally.
  2. Proactively Consider Your Living Arrangement.
  3. Be Honest and Proceed With Empathy.
  4. Work Together on a Game Plan.
  5. Discuss Future Contact.
  6. Break the News to Friends.
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  8. Be Kind to Yourself.
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How do you restart a long term relationship? ›

Here are some helpful tips for restarting a relationship and making it work:
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  2. 2) Set realistic expectations. ...
  3. 3) Create shared goals. ...
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Aug 15, 2022

How long should you wait to date after a 10 year relationship? ›

If you've broken up after a long-term relationship, you may need more time. 6 months to 1 year is a good rule of thumb if your last relationship lasted a year or more. If you feel like you need even more time, that's okay! Everyone is different, and there's no need to rush into anything if you don't feel ready.

What to do when a long-term relationship is ending? ›

Some things to help you after a break up:
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  2. Keep busy. ...
  3. Take time out for you. ...
  4. Talk to family, friends, Elders and others who can support you. ...
  5. Try not to use alcohol and other drugs to deal with the pain. ...
  6. Give it time. ...
  7. Try to look after yourself.

What is the 11 year itch relationship? ›

The phenomenon, made famous by the 1955 film of the same name, is based on the assumption that dissatisfaction with a spouse kicks in after seven years. But the latest figures show that a marriage that ends in divorce has on average lasted 11.7 years.

What is the hardest age for men? ›

The Most Difficult Age For Any Man is Probably Between 24 and 29, The Pressure To Be Something, To Be someone is So Immense. When everyone seems to be doing something for themselves, people seem to be living a life you only dream of.

What year do most couples break up? ›

At the three, seven, 11 and 15-year marks

The honeymoon phase has worn off, and past resentments start to overwhelm the relationship,” Polinder says.

How long does it take to recover from a 12 year relationship? ›

Research shows it could take roughly half as long as the time you were together. However, there is no universal standard for how long it takes to get over a breakup.

How do you know if a man is done with you? ›

25 telltale signs that the relationship is over for him
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Falling back in love with your partner requires a combination of emotional openness, vulnerability, and active effort to reconnect. Empathy builds emotional connection, communication, trust, and support, all essential elements of a healthy partnership. The more empathy you give, the more you will likely receive.

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When in a long-term relationship, we often hope for a happy ending. However, the road to lasting love is sometimes uneventful, and couples may break up or get back together.

How do I start a new life after a long-term relationship? ›

Follow these steps in sequence to make the most of this time and heal from heartbreak.
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  3. Make yourself cry. ...
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  7. Do something you've always wanted to do.

How long does it take to recover from a long-term relationship? ›

Use the 6-Month Rule

Since every person and relationship is different, knowing how long it'll take to get over a break up can vary—but the six months rule is a good rule of thumb, according to relationship expert Lauren Peaco*ck, author of Female.

Can you go back to dating after being in a relationship? ›

Take time to heal before returning to the dating scene

However, it's generally recommended to take a few weeks to process your emotions and thoughts before diving into the dating scene again. While it's not necessary to be entirely over an ex before dating again, it may be wise to wait if the breakup is still fresh.

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